Therapy Approach
Relational
Research has demonstrated repeatedly that the single most important factor in predicting whether therapy achieves its goals is the strength of the relationship between the therapist and the client. Above all else, I will build a trusting relationship with you, so that you feel safe enough with me to explore and change what you haven’t been able to do on your own.
Systems Perspective
When you step into my office and sit on my couch, you do not come alone. Every human is part of many systems—complex ways of relating that are interdependent, such as family, workplace, neighborhood, place of worship, city, country, etc. We both influence and are influenced by our systems, and you bring all your systems with you when you come to therapy. Understanding systems is part of my specialized training as an LMFT.
Intersection of Emotional & Spiritual Health
Spirituality refers to how we understand our purpose and find meaning in our lives. It consists of our ultimate values, what we find sacred, what offers hope, brings peace, gives a sense of belonging, and connects us to something larger than ourselves. Our spirituality has a direct effect on how feel about ourselves and our lives. Research shows there are benefits to integrating spirituality and religion into therapy.
Spiritual health and mental health go together. Aspects of life that make us spiritually healthy—finding meaning, feeling connected to something sacred or transcendent, practicing gratitude, seeing the good in others and ourselves, appreciating beauty, cultivating hope—also contribute to our mental health. At the beginning of our work together I’ll ask you about your religious background and what’s important to you in life. Then as we continue to work together, I will listen for ways that you might connect with aspects of spirituality that might facilitate the emotional or relational work that you are doing.
Whatever spiritual tradition you have come from or whatever spiritual path you are taking, I can assist you in drawing on the spiritual resources you already have and finding new ones to aid in your journey to wholeness. I approach your spiritual understandings with openness and respect and seek to help you by developing your awareness of the spiritual dimension of the situation that brought you to therapy.
Let’s work together.
Key Concepts that Influence My Work
Mindfulness & Self Compassion
So often, we add to our own pain by ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. Mix in some harsh critique or self-judgment and it’s sure to increase your suffering. We can’t avoid pain in our lives, but we can avoid making it worse by using mindfulness and self-compassion.
Mindfulness is living in the present moment with non-judgmental acceptance, noticing our thoughts, feelings, and sensations and allowing them to be just as they are.
Self-Compassion is offering yourself the same kind of warmth, comfort, and understanding that you would offer to a friend when you make mistakes or endure tough circumstances. It also includes recognizing that going through painful things or messing up is part of being human.
Many of us have a critical voice inside our heads that goads us on with name-calling and insults in an effort to get us to “do better.” That kind of criticism drags us down instead. I will show you how using mindfulness and self-compassion will help you face your current situation and find a gentler way to talk to yourself.
Non-Violet Communication
We don’t usually think of communication as being violent, but communication that attempts to coerce others or promotes disconnection between people is violent in both its process and product. Non-Violent Communication (NVC) is both a method and philosophy of communication.
At its heart, NVC seeks to develop empathic conversations between people by focusing on feelings and needs to create mutually beneficial solutions. When we learn to respectfully listen to others’ experiences, truly listening to understand the heart of another, our own compassion is activated, and we are able to connect human being to human being. This type of communication is deeply satisfying for both parties.
Sounds great, you say, but how does it work? Most of our communication usually focuses on strategies…putting forth our ideas and trying to get others on board with them. NVC backs up a step to the feelings and needs we are experiencing that are making us put forth the strategies in the first place.
In therapy, I will help you learn to identify your own feelings and needs as a way to understand yourself better. We will work on NVC’s four-stage model so that you will learn to make non-judgmental observations, identify your feelings, explain your needs, and make requests in a way that invites others to join you in meeting your needs. We’ll also work on learning how to listen for another’s feelings and needs, even when they are not expressing them directly.
NVC was created by Marshal Rosenberg and is now stewarded by the Center for Non-Violent Communication.
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
IFS is one of my go-to techniques for helping people make sense of the jumble of thoughts and feelings inside of them. Have you ever said to someone, “Well, a part of me thinks this, but another part of me thinks that…?” IFS helps locate and work with those different parts that are inside of us all. By connecting with our parts and listening to them, we can learn a lot about why we do things, especially things we don’t really want to do but find ourselves doing anyway. What’s more, when we collaborate with our parts, we are able to make true progress in bringing harmony to our inner world.
Dick Scwartz is the creator of IFS and Jay Early has made it easily accessible to non-professionals. Note: I am not officially certified as an IFS therapist. I have taken several trainings, read several books, and have used it frequently.
Change is Possible
If you are considering therapy, then it is safe to assume that you are unhappy with parts of your life, and you want them to CHANGE. Here’s how I think about change and how I will go about helping you identify what needs to be changed and what steps to take.
First & Second Order Change
Change happens at two levels—First order change and Second order change. First order changes are adjustments to the current system, minor corrections designed to make the current system function more smoothly or incremental changes to improve an existing process. The goals, worldview, and values that uphold the system do not change.
Second order changes are a different degree of magnitude altogether—they don’t just adjust the system, they alter key aspects of the system itself. Second order changes require an examination of key beliefs, assumptions, and ways of doing things that will fundamentally transform the mission, paradigm, and practices of the individual, family, or organization. Second order change is disruptive—it forces examination of basic thought and behavior patterns and requires a willingness to experiment with new modes of thinking and doing.
Therapy utilizes both first and second order change. Let’s look at an example. Suppose you’ve come to therapy because you are feeling depressed. You have no energy, are waking up at night, and are sad and lethargic all day. I would begin with first order changes. We might look at what factors contribute to your poor sleep (time you go to bed, screens at bedtime, lack of movement during the day, etc.) and make adjustments. We might also explore what you are sad about, process your grief, and help you add positive aspects to your daily routine. These modifications might be enough to get you feeling better.
However, sometimes your depression does not lift completely without second order change. Then we look at what underlies your depression and holds it in place. This will be different for everyone but is often rooted in core beliefs about self and how the world works. One person’s depression might stem from feeling like they are never enough, while another’s might be embedded in a fear of abandonment and a belief that loved ones always leave.
Specializing in Second Order Change
Second order change is where true transformation occurs, and it is my desire to help you get there. The way I do therapy is to spend time earning your trust and demonstrating my ability to offer suggestions that are helpful, so that you can use me as the support you need to do the hard work of looking at things you haven’t been able to see before or that you’ve avoided because they are too scary. This takes time and effort, but is definitely worth it! In addition to improving whatever first order change problems brought you to therapy, you will feel more alive and fulfilled.
Individual and Relationship Therapy for Adults
Contact
612.325.7899
5798 Blackshire Path
Inver Grove Heights, MN 55076
Sagewood Counseling
Inver Grove Heights, Mendota Heights, Eagan, Woodbury, St. Paul, West St Paul, South St. Paul, Minneapolis, Richfield, Cottage Grove, and other Twin Cities communities.